19 May 2010

The Wedding Dress Fitting Story

So, I have a whole bunch of writing I need to catch up on...not sure when that will happen, but hopefully soon. In the meantime, here's my latest adventure. To set the stage, I'll remind you of what my wedding dress looks like.

I arrived in Utah on Monday, May 9 and went to my dress fitting on Tuesday, May 10. Apparently, all of the stress of moving and finishing the school year and transition and whatever paid off with a whopping gain of fat around my fat places. I went to Bed Bath and Beyond to buy a Shape and Lift body shaper. Supposedly this will make me up to 3 sizes smaller. Mostly it resulted in a wrestling match as well as some adult words. I figured that anything would help because I need to fit into my dress.

Tuesday morning my mom and I (this was after my mom was told she was going to be charged with I said, I have alot of writing to catch up on) headed to Smithfield to see Lucy the seamstress. Of course, she's a tiny beautiful asian woman because who else would you expect to alter a wedding dress. We go inside her house and she tells me to put on the dress. I wrestle with the stupid blankety-blank body shaper and finally get it on...only to find that my dress is INCREDIBLY tight around my I can't zip it up. In my head I'm thinking, why in the world did I eat and eat and eat and eat instead of starve myself. I just came out from behind the curtains and said "I need help with the zipper."

We finally get the zipper done up and then she starts her critique. It was a very self-esteem building experience. She proceeded to take up the dress in the top because I have no boobs. She then says, "You really need to wear a pushup bra." In my head I thought, "Really?! Because the one I have on already is not working good enough?! Would you like me to try 2?" She then says, "You picked out a bootie dress. Good for your body type. We need to take in here to show off your big bootie." In my head, "Thank you. Thank you for pointing out that I have a big huge bum. Thank you for telling me that my dress makes my bum look bigger." (Except I'm pretty sure that bum wasn't the word going through my head at the time.)

After this great body image building exercise, I took the dress off, got the stupid body shaper that didn't even work (it's going back to Bed Bath and Beyond), and went out to the car. My mom was working on not getting charged with fraud and we headed down to Layton to do some shopping and to pick up the dishes we're using for the wedding. We went to Victoria's Secret to find an even bigger pushup bra, but hey...guess what...they discontinued the size that I need. We talked to my mom's friend who offered to let me borrow her bustier with extra padding. I kept thinking...geez, isn't this false advertising for poor Tim. Of course, the bustier didn't fit me either. Yes, I was having a great day of everything saying, "hey you're a big fatty!"

So, the next day Tim and I went to find some sort of something for me to wear under my dress that will make me look busty. I'm not sure that's even possible. Perhaps I should say we looked for something to make me look less like a completely flat chested person with a big butt. I found something that will work. Tim offered to help me put it on. He was joking. I turned bright red and told him to go sit back on the chair in the bra section of Dillards. Of course, the chair is right in front of the cube with all of the fake boob padding thingies. He says, "Hey...look...maybe you should try these." These ended up being water filled pads. I told him I wasn't going to be hugging people and have them hear the "gurgling" of my fake water filled boobs. We did find something that works...I think. The dress fits. I have fake boobs. Oh and I still have a big bootie. Life is good.


Jolayne said...

But at least you only have 16 days left! I'm sure you look beautiful in your dress.

Barb said...

Oh AJ, I giggled all the way through your post! Gotta love least it won't be any surprise on wedding night! Life is good.....

Barb said...

I love the dress story. Keep writing because we need to know the rest of the story!

See You at the Finish Line said...

AJ, you have a way of telling a humorous story that makes it even better as you tell it. Not too worry - you will be a beautiful bride! Part of what makes you beautiful (and what Tim sees) is your ability to laugh at yourself and take things in stride. It will all turn out ok by wedding day! Promise!

The Wilks Family said...

I can't wait to see pics of you in the dress...I am SURE it will be gorgeous! All the suffering makes for a great story and will be totally worth it in the end! I wish we could be there for your big day!! Next time we're down in Utah I wanna see you and meet your new husband! Good luck over the next few weeks...and I hope your mom is doing ok! Yikes!

Laura Wheatley said...

Like I told you before, that dress is gorgeous!! and more importantly, it is going to looking STUNNING on you! :)

oooh the pre-wedding will be so happy you documented it so you can look back and laugh your *bum* off! :)

Happy Wedding!! :)

Marshell said...

"Men like women with a big back porch."
-Ray (Princess and the Frog)

Good luck. We are excited for you!